What If
by Alis Volat Propris
Summary: This was real. This had to be real. Because he couldn't wake up another morning without her again. Ichi/Ruki angst


AN: I wanted to write something that really showed an Ichi Ruki not in a happy fluffy way. Granted I may be a little angst fairy myself, but I don't think any relationship they would have would be an easy one.

"Did it hurt, having the entirety of soul society find out about your love with a 16 year old human boy?" He asked, the mocking tone he used cutting as he stared down upon her.

Byakuya Kuchiki was deliberately provoking her, and both of them knew it and knew it well. He wanted to fight, wanted to start this controversy after months of tension. It was because he was now dead that things had come to a head. Ten years had passed since he was banished from soul society, and today; he was coming back to her. Byakuya however couldn't stand defeat.

Kuchiki Rukia recoiled, eyes hardening in layers of amethyst ice, flaking and cracking as she looked up at him with barely concealed rage. Then she settled. He would not get the satisfaction of seeing her angry which is what he wanted. Coral lips formed a demure smile, and her eyes snuffed out, revealing the deep purple of a summer night's sky. Her mouth spoke of it's own accord and her words were filled with unwavering conviction.

"Did it hurt having the entirety of soul society find out about you loosing to a 15 year old human boy?" She retorted.

He nearly snarled, reiatsu increasing the very pressure of the air around them. Rukia didn't flinch under such pressure. She had fought with Ichigo and sparred with him enough times to know true strength. Nii sama's reiatsu couldn't compare.

"That _boy_ stole a part of your spiritual energy when you illegally bequeathed him with your powers, and let's not forget that you were nearly executed because of it." He snarled.

"Part of the reason you're standing here is because _I _interfered. That _boy_ had nothing more than luck and borrowed powers to get him so far. He had no training. It was only a matter of time. That _boy_ finally met his match and died, and_ I_ was the one who cleaned up the mess and defeated his slayer, saving his friends….your friends. You would do well not to mock me, Rukia" Byakuya snapped.

"You would have let me die for your twisted sense of justice! I _would_ have died if Ichigo hadn't interfered. And Ichigo was sanctioned by the Genryuusai as a substitute shinigami. He had just as much status as any of the other members here…he had the lineage of shinigami in him. Both Yoruichi san and Urahara san trained him." Rukia retorted.

"Ridiculous" Byakuya retorted.

"Perhaps he didn't have the amount of years or training you did, but that was as much his skill in attaining the power he did as it was a blow to your pride. He defeated each of the captains he came across and rescued me, nearly twice, if the elder hadn't interfered. But I suppose my lover being a mere human is chaffing knowledge, is it not, Nii sama?" Rukia said.

Byakuya's eyes flared, loosing their cool. "You shamed yourself with a child like some brazen whore! I promised your sister-"

"Spare me the promise talk, Nii sama. This stopped being about my sister long ago." Rukia said, cutting him off.

Byakuya's eyes widened and then narrowed, furious.

"How dare you" He said.

For years he had manipulated her, used his own connections to force her out of the 13. He had kept her safe and coddled, not allowing her to grow and gain further strength. She had the makings of a captain long ago. Long before she'd met Kurosaki Ichigo and so shamed herself in the eyes of the Kuchiki clan by having the audacity to love him.

For years she'd allowed herself to be burdened by the guilt goaded by Kaien's death, and by the death of her own sister into paralysis. She'd allowed Byakuya to make too many decisions for her. She'd become used to the feelings of weakness, of allowing others to plot out her course. She'd allowed Byakuya to ban her from the real world by her silence and because of her shame. Ichigo who had come to rescue her again was finally banished from soul society until his death for fighting and nearly killing Byakuya and any of the captains that stood in his way. No longer. He was coming to soul society today.

"I mean no disrespect to the departed" she said. "But we both know that the things you've done since her death haven't been done in the name of my sister" Rukia told him.

"How ungrateful. I brought you into the family, in spite of everyone else's opinions, in spite of the issues it brought to the clan-"

"You brought me into the family in the beginning for a promise to my dead sister. You've kept me here away from Ichigo because of your wounded pride. You didn't even let me say goodbye!" She said, fighting the tears she felt.

"You had already shamed the clan. And he was clearly out of control. What more could I do?" Byakuya demanded.

"You could've let me stay with him! You could've let me _love_ him!" Rukia cried, lip trembling. She turned from him.

Byakuya rarely lost his temper. His arm grabbed hers, spinning her forcing her to look at him.

"You were given everything. A name, a status, a clan. Anything you could have wanted would have been yours." Byakuya started "And yet you floundered after the love of a child…of a human who looked like a dead man who lacked the power to save himself or his wife-"

Her hand flew of it's own accord, striking hard and fast upon the captains face.

Byakuya was startled by the strength of that tiny hand.

"I am not my sister, Nii sama, just as Ichigo and Kaien are NOT the same." Rukia said.

"You think I don't _know_ that? You could never measure up to her in a thousand years" Byakuya said, his words twisting the knife deeper.

"What irritates you more Nii sama? That he bested you with a sword, or that he bested you in my heart?"

"We'll see how strong those words are when you face him" He said.

Byakuya stormed out.

Rukia sighed. Kurosaki Ichigo died at the ripe age of 26 on this day. Just the thought of his name brought up a thousand memories but one memory stood out among all the others. The most painful memory, ten years earlier. It was hard to believe she hadn't seen him for ten years. He'd had many battles since their parting. She'd never been able to talk to him…to tell him goodbye, to explain…but then he hadn't needed the explanation. He'd stormed into soul society again like a hollow from hell, tearing it apart simply to try and reach her. But there was nothing he could do. Byakuya was the head of a clan, and the elder couldn't interfere with that.

Because of Ichigo's brash actions and nearly destroying huge portions of soul society and her Nii sama, the elder had banned him. They couldn't strip him of his shinigami powers because they needed those very powers to keep the balance. But they couldn't have him tearing up soul society either. So they'd simply banned him until death. Rukia had fought tooth and nail to be allowed to speak with him, to say goodbye. They had refused worried that Ichigo would loose control of himself upon seeing her, or try to take her with him.

_He would have_ she thought sadly. _He would have brought down the moon from the sky for me. _

10 years had passed. There had been times when it felt like eternity and times where Rukia couldn't believe a year had passed. Byakuya's words haunted her. _We'll see how strong those words are when you see him_…what had he meant by that? Ichigo had changed most certainly as all humans do…but would that have changed him so much? Certainly he couldn't have forgotten her? A swirl of emotions enveloped her. She had heard he had been with Inoue in her absence. Rukia felt a stab of anxiety and grabbed her zanpakutou. It didn't matter. He was coming, and she had to see it. She had to see him.

……………………………………………

Kurosaki Ichigo scratched his head as he made his way to the gate. His guide, one silent masked ninja courtesy of Soi Fong accompanied him. Truthfully, Ichigo suspected they didn't trust him, and wanted someone on hand to deal with him in case things went sour. Typical soul society. He'd been banned from here until his death which had inevitably happened. It was hard to come to grips, that he would never return to the real world as a tangible human. He would never be physically present to see his sister's graduate from college. Karin could see him now, had developed her own set of spiritual powers and so he'd promised he'd come around depending on how soul society decided his fate. Her training was something he wanted to address with soul society. Poor Yuzu though. She'd been crushed. His father had known that Ichigo was a Shinigami as the old timer had been a shinigami himself.

That didn't make the parting any easier. He'd been allowed to go to his funeral and then the local shinigami had sent him on. The knowledge left a bitter after taste in his mouth and he trudged his way to the gate. He could never really be with his family again. And it wasn't as if he could find his mother here in soul society, though the idea was tempting. But it was ridiculous. There was no way he would find her, not with so many people. Everyone who had ever died was here and that didn't mean they remembered their lives before soul society. The gate opened, thanks to Iwanbou, and he and his silent ninja companion made their way inside. A man stood leaning against the walls of the building, one foot planted for balance the other resting against the wall.

"Took you long enough" The red haired men said, with a grin.

" Didn't die fast enough for your liking?" Ichigo retorted. Renji merely laughed.

"I was talking about how long it took you to get to seireitei. You didn't get lost again, did you?" Renji asked, grinning.

"Shut up" Ichigo replied. "I had a guide." He said pointing to the black attired ninja next to him "Dying takes a lot out of you, ya know" Ichigo grumbled.

"Ichigo" Renji said, acknowledging him with a smirk.

"Renji" Ichigo said, nodding.

'

Though the two would die before admitting it, it was obvious the two friends missed each other these past ten years. Aburai Renji grinned as he eyed Ichigo's silent companion. The ninja gave him the briefest of nods to acknowledge him and Ichigo's face looked more sour if that was even possible.

"I know." Ichigo muttered, glaring.

Renji grinned. "You shouldn't be so surprised. Of course they don't trust you still. Especially since you nearly ripped apart soul society last time, and that brought to attention the whole aizen situation"

Ichigo's eyes darkened.

"Still a sore subject? Well you're dead, and that's over with and you're here now. The elder has requested to see you." Renji said in his typical lack of tact.

Ichigo merely nodded, figuring he was due a talk with the old man.

Renji eyed him, walking with him silently as he observed the man he'd come to know since his first invasion into soul society. He really hadn't changed much, he was still the same height, still had blazing amber eyes, still had that angry look on his face, and still had the obnoxious orange hair that was unkempt. His shoulders had grown broader and he'd put on some weight, but it was obvious he was still fit. The weight made him look like a man instead of a scrawny teenage kid he once was. Renji smirked, most of that weight was probably hard muscle, earned through each of his battles and the massive amounts of training the boy had put himself through growing up. Renji was startled by that thought, Ichigo was grown up.

"What?" Ichigo finally said, irritated by Renji's staring.

"Nothing" He said with a grin. "I'm just surprised you haven't asked about her yet"

Ichigo's eyes stared at the ground ahead of him as look of concentration about him.

" No comment? Nothing to say after 10 years?" Renji elbowed him.

"What do you want me to say?" Ichigo snapped, irritated by Renji's obvious amusement at his expense.

Renji's eyes took on a more serious note as he eyed Ichigo. "Something would be nice." His reiatsu was slightly threatening and Ichigo paused, his ninja guide beside him pausing as well as he eyed the two of them.

Renji's eyes narrowed as he looked upon the orange haired man. "It's been ten years, did you forget her or something?" He said, trying to provoke Ichigo.

"Something like that" Ichigo replied, ignoring the taunt and walking on.

"Wait a damn minute-" Renji said grabbing his shoulder.

Ichigo shrugged him off and kept walking. Abarai walked after him, refusing to drop it.

"You're telling me that you don't love her? That after all this time you've moved on and aren't gonna see her?" Renji said, matching Ichigo stride for stride.

"I don't want to talk about it, Renji" Ichigo replied.

"The hell you don't! She's been waiting for you all this time and you-"

"What the hell is it to you, Renji?" Ichigo yelled, grabbing Renji by his haori.

"You know _exactly _what the hell it is to me! Don't forget that me and her grew up together and passed through the exams of soul society together. If you're telling me that you're done with her, then I think you know _exactly_ what I'm going to do" Renji said, eyes completely serious.

Ichigo was startled by Renji's seriousness. He had changed in these past few years, become bolder about his feelings for Rukia. Of course Renji had been devastated when he'd found out about Rukia and him, in the first place. Ichigo released his grip on Renji's clothing as he felt the anger drain from him. What did he feel for Rukia now? After being banned from seeing her, it had torn his heart asunder. Sure he had dated girls, had even dated and been engaged to Inoue for some time, but that had fallen through as every single one of his relationships had. He'd wanted to bury his feelings for her, just as he had with his mother, to ignore the sinking feeling he felt whenever he remembered it. But the skeletons in his closet had refused to leave him alone. The ghost of her presence had haunted him, tormented him for so long. What did he feel?

Ichigo made no answer, standing there lost in his thoughts. Renji sighed. This conversation was far too serious for them. Grabbing the man's shoulder, Renji shook him out of his thoughts.

"C'mon, it's not a wise idea to keep the old man waiting" He said, walking on. Ichigo followed along complacently saying nothing lost in his memories.

………………………………………………………

Rukia was sprinting, leaping from building to building in her black hakama as she honed in on his reiatsu. The idiot still didn't have the sense to shield his reiatsu but this worked in her favor now. Or perhaps the moron was just trying to be a nuisance and announce his presence to the world. It brought a huge grin to her face as she thought of it;. Kenpachi would be happy today, she thought with a grin. She was gaining ground quickly after having left the Kuchiki mansion. Byakuya had stormed off and she wasn't about to sit idly and wait to hear news of him from the local gossip. Rukia would see him with her own eyes. She leaped across the building, landing in a crouch on the roof as she recognized the familiar reiatsu. Amethyst eyes prickled. What was he doing here?

Ukitake appeared before her.

"Rukia" He said.

Rukia paused, her long time mentor barring the way between her and Ichigo. She caught her breath, as she eyed him. Ukitake's face betrayed nothing of his thoughts. This fact wasn't surprising as the man had always been exceptionally strong and clever when he wasn't bed ridden and ill. The white haired man eyed her simply as she looked upon him. And suddenly it made sense. Those brown eyes had given her a similar look in the past. When Kaien sama….Rukia's throat constricted tightening as she tried to swallow the lump forming and force the tears from her eyes. She knew why he was here and it prompted her to desperation.

"Please" She said, loosing her calm composure as she felt desperation claw at her.

"_Please_, Ukitake Taichou,…I need to see him" Rukia begged.

"I'm sorry." Ukitake captain of the 13th squad said bowing his head so he could stop seeing that look of her heart in her eyes.

"The elder has summoned you now, and I am to bring you to him." He said, sorrow entering those brown eyes of his.

Damn the elder. He knew this. Rukia couldn't; wouldn't fight the man she owed so much to. Resigned to her fate, she gave in. Rukia only had the strength to nod simply, wearily as she followed his shunpo, making her way to the elder. Ukitake glanced at his old assistant. He had never seen her look so forlorn.

………………………………………..

It never ceased to amaze Ichigo, the length of trouble his entering soul society caused. People whispered as they walked by, students hurrying to get out of his way as he, Renji and the silent ninja made their way up the steps. Ichigo ignored it, brow furrowed further as he made his way up. Renji merely snickered, matching Ichigo stride for stride as they made their way through the streets of soul society.

"IIIIIIIITTTCCCHHHYYY CHAAAANNNN!" A bright voice called.

Kurosaki was effectively glomped by the bright pink haired nuisance. Yachiru giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She'd grown a bit taller but not much. She was still child sized and still annoying as hell. Ichigo grimaced. Where Yachiru was Zaraki would be too.

"Ichigo, you owe me a fight" Zaraki's voice called as the taller larger man walked towards him sword drawn.

"Ken chan wants to have fun!" Yachiru giggled, hopping her way back to his shoulder.

Ichigo paled, hand on his zanpakutou.

Renji smirked. "Not now though, he's been summoned."

Kenpachi gave Renji the full entirety of his glare, reiatsu flaring, electric sparks of yellow in the air. They held each others gaze and finally Kenpachi grinned a toothy smirk and nodded, eyeing Ichigo with his unpatched eye.

"We've been sent to bring you in" Zaraki eyed the ninja. "Scat" he said to the guard.

The ninja nodded and disappeared.

"Typical. As if it wasn't intimidating enough to come to soul society, now I get a whole damned escort. Chee" Ichigo grumbled.

"Wait till you see who's there" Renji smirked and Kenpachi laughed, Yachiru's giggles trailing after them.

"Where are we headed?" Ichigo questioned.

"The captains meeting room" Renji replied.

Ichigo grimaced, and tightened his grip on his zanpakutou.

………………………………………………….

The captain's room was more like a courtroom with two sides of seats lining it. A huge platform stood in the front of the room with elevated seats for each of the captains, he supposed. He felt their reiatsu and all of the captains were surrounding him on each of their seats. He fixed his eyes to the front and saw the old fart of soul society seated. He eyed the two sides of seats scattered with other members of soul society for representation he supposed. Where _was _she?

"Kurosaki Ichigo, substitute shinigami, representative of soul society…."

"Chee" Ichigo muttered, ignoring the rest of the formalities of welcome as he continued to search.

He saw Byakuya and his jaw clenched, knuckles white in their grip of his zanpakutou. It was because if Byakuya's interference that he had been banned from soul society, from Rukia. The old pain and anger surfaced and flared, bruning so hot and bright that the hollow in him was about to break surface. Ichigo had never wanted to kill anyone more, but he beat back his hollow insisting for blood and retribution. It was too dangerous to let his hollow out. The arrogant captain ignored him entirely as Ichigo's attention finally wandered back to the subject at hand.

"Will be made vice captain over the 5th division of soul society."

_What?_ Had they just said what Ichigo had thought the old coot had said? The last person to hold fifth division had been that slime of a man, Aizen. _What the hell?_ Ichigo thought, brow furrowing.

"I object" Byakuya stood up. "The boy has not passed any of the examinations or been through any of the schooling. He has had no legitimate training, training that the rest of us had to undergo." Byakuya claimed, eyes narrowing

"You cannot object to his skill! He has saved soul society time and time again!" That familiar voice nearly tore his heart asunder all over again.

Burnt Amber eyes looked up into the crowd to see storm filled amethyst crackling as always. Her eyes never lost their spirit, their thunder. If anyone was a fighter, a warrior at the heart and core of their being, it was her. It was what had drawn him to her in the first place; she wasn't like anyone he had ever known. The petite black haired girl scowling, standing on her seat as she objected.

_Rukia…_the name brought up a thousand things, thoughts, images, regrets… he had meant to bury her deep within himself so long ago, and failed miserably time and time again. Damn it, he didn't want to feel this way about her, didn't want to acknowledge what he had gathered and set ablaze in a raging bonfire so long ago. The ashes of their love it seemed would never die. She did not meet his eyes, in fact was looking beyond him in a fierce frown directed at Byakuya.

"Kuchiki Rukia your voice has no bearing in this precedent. Do not forget that your attendance is a privilege. Be seated" The elder ordered.

"She has a point. Any time we've needed something in the human realms we have relied on him" Kyoraku said.

"Do we blatantly ignore our rules, our laws for captains in his specific case?" Hitsugaya asked, eyes cold and hard. If anyone was a stickler for procedures it was the little icicle bearer.

Ice bastard. Of course he would want to see things done properly.

"We did, when he was made a Shinigami"

Byakuya slammed his fists down on the table.

"Let us not _forget_ that he was illegally bequeathed powers that one Kuchiki Rukia should have been executed for." Byakuya snarled.

"I gave him those powers MMMmpphh-" Rukia fought the hold Renji had over her mouth.

"We have hundreds of students working hard among the schools in order to even be admitted within the ranks of studying under a captain. What about their ambitions?" Unohana asked.

"Certainly Ichigo's case isn't a normal one." Ukitake mentioned.

"And yet if we promote him without the training, we will have to deal with the consequences from the students complaints. All of the captains will suffer." Sui Fong interjected.

"None of the other students have half the talent, capability or reiatsu as he does." Kyoraku replied.

"This is stupid" Kenpachi growled. "It's obvious he's got the ability. We don't have to worry about the politics. We are captains…unless you have such a slacked hold on your squad to allow idle talk" Kenpachi said, eyeing Byakuya with a challenging glare.

"Then he should be able to pass the captains tests like everybody else" Byakuya retorted, eyes hard.

"Chee, he'll pass your tests and you know it, and hate it. You just want him to fail" Kenpachi retorted.

"Your bearing in this is clear enough, Kenpachi san. You only want to fight him on equal terms" Unohana retorted.

"Enough!" Yamamoto said, reiatsu flaring enough to halt the conversation.

"We will put it to vote." He said.

"But that's not-" Rukia cried.

"Kuchiki Rukia, You were warned. You have lost your privilege of attending. You are formally dismissed." He said and ninja appeared by her sides taking her arms.

"Ow- No!" She cried, fighting them.

Ichigo's eyes narrowed. He hung his head, jaw clenching along with his fist, His reiatsu flared, quivering as it expanded and exploded in the heat of the moment. His hollow clawed at the fraying edges of his control. Everyone tensed, the feel of his reiatsu shaking the building with power. Kenpachi grinned, a crazy gleam in his eye.

"Hands off her" Ichigo ground out.

"Eh?" The ninja glanced at the forming reiatsu of the substitute shinigami.

"You _heard_ me…" He snapped, eyes gleaming golden. "Don't _fucking_ touch her" Ichigo said, eyes narrowing as he clenched his Zanpakutou.

"I-Ichigo" Rukia murmured.

"Take your filthy hands off of her. NOW!" He ordered, tensing as his reiatsu increased with his anger.

Byakuya rose to his feet, his Zanpakutou clenched.

"Escort one Kuchiki Rukia, and One Kurosaki Ichigo out of the room immediately until a decision has been reached." Yamamoto ordered.

Ichigo snapped his arm back from the 6 ninja who surrounded him, Zanpakutou howling as he prepared to blast them with a getsusaiga tenshou.

"Ichigo! Don't! _Please_…" Rukia pleaded.

He eyed them wearily, hold on his zanpakutou not loosening for a minute. Ichigo was nearly lost in battle rage until he heard the tremble in her voice. That voice had haunted him in his dreams tempted him in his fantasies only to wake up to the nightmare of reality. And it was these people who had caused it. His anger flared bright and hot in his reiatsu. Then he caught her eye. Those amethyst eyes the color of a late summer night sky. She held his gaze, eyes practically tearing as she silently pleaded. And he knew he couldn't fight when she looked at him like _that_.

All of the years he had spent telling himself he was over it, that he had moved on, that there was nothing left or lost between them anymore; They seemed like a lifetime ago as he looked into those eyes. Damn her, she was always so fucking annoying. He grunted, reitasu disappearing hung his head, allowing the ninja to grab his arms roughly, escorting him out.

Rukia was tossed rather haphazardly outside the building into a side room, as Ichigo was pushed behind her. He glared balefully as the doors closed and he eyed the special guards around them. Rukia hung her head, fist clenched as she looked at the door.

Ichigo looked up hopeful, only to see her despair.

"Rukia…" He murmured, stepping closer.

Rukia eyes finally strayed from the door to the floor. She let those eyes trail up from his tabi, to his hakama to his haori and finally, shyly to his face. Her eyes held the questions, the heisitancy she held all of it in those weary purple eyes of hers. It hurt, and immediately he strode forward, urgency spurning him forward though he had sworn a thousand times it wouldn't be this way, that things wouldn't be the same between them when he returned that he wouldn't let her do this to him.

She held up her hand, halting his stride towards her.

"I-Ichigo…" She said, sniffling.

Ichigo was shaken. He could count on his hand the amount of times he had seen her cry. It crushed him, made him feel like nothing. He felt tiny and insignificant in the wake of them. It broke him. It made him want to tear the place down around their ears. He had heard her tears as he had fought to get her back the second time. _Damn it_, he _hated_ it when she cried. There was nothing more wretched, more hollowly pathetic in his world that rendered him useless than those damn tears. He hated the power she had over him. Hated that she had no idea what power she had over him.

"Damn it, Rukia. You should have let me fight them." Ichigo snarled.

"No!" She protested. "Fighting them wouldn't do any good. Gods, you idiot! Why do you always want to fight?" She trembled, tears streaming down her face as her fists clenched.

Ichigo felt the smile tug at the corners of his mouth. Here she was yelling at him as always, their first reunion in ten years and she was screaming at him like nothing had changed. Nothing had changed, really, because he was back and she was here and he couldn't fight the surge of feelings he held. His heart ached, hurt, tore and bleed freely from it all.

"Because it's worth it" He replied.

Ichigo strode towards her eyes angry as they blazed and she stood her ground. He got into her face bending down to glare into her. She didn't budge, in fact brought herself up, standing on her tippy toes to prove she wasn't afraid of him.

He flicked her forehead. She decked him. Her eyes filled with more tears as she trembled looking up at him, and suddenly he smiled. The tears escaped, streaming down her cheeks as she fought the choked sob from that familiar heartbroken look.

His arms snaked around her familiar petite form, and he brought the short woman up to his lips, kissing her fiercely as he crushed her to him. Years he had dreamed of this. It had tormented him the taste, the flavor and texture of her coral lips caressing his own. The press of her lithe body, that he had made love to, the feel of her beneath him. Those lithe hands calloused just as he remembered them buried themselves within his unruly orange hair as they had so many years ago, and in his darkest dreams and fantasies. She brought him closer, refusing to release her hold of him as she pressed closer, gasping when his hands slipped into her haori. Ten years, for ten years he had longed to do this. And he hated himself for giving into her so easily. Hated himself that he couldn't help himself.

She was so achingly familiar and so horribly distant. It was deja-vu all over again wondering if he had conjured her image up, wondering if he was sleeping and dreaming now and if he would wake up alone and cold and shuddering as he used to. That brought a sense or urgency in him. If this was a dream then he'd better damn well make it last. He wasn't about to wake up regretting not acting. He couldn't do that again, The regret was just too heavy, weighed too much. He wouldn't carry it anymore.

Gods. She was flesh and blood, alive and warm beneath him in spite of the obvious death. He had _missed_ her though admitting such a fact would be tantamount to death. Her sweet smell, the feel of her small body crushed against his had his blood pounding, burning, every part of him throbbing with need. Her needy, throaty moan as he touched and tasted gave him a startling amount of clarity in spite of his passion induced haze. This was real, this had to be real. Because he couldn't wake up another morning without her there, again.

And because of that overwhelming fact, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the worst was yet to come. Because she was real, she was tangible it meant that there were more battles ahead, more problems than he could possibly forsee before they could be together. Part of him felt that small amount of despair crawling through him and Rukia could taste it in their kiss. Even in their physical actions, they resonated with each other on an entirely unconscious plane. He was right and she knew it and she tasted his sadness as she gave it. Even though they'd overcome so many obstacles in their love their fight was far from over.


End file.
